Most of us have experienced what I'll refer to as lopsided relationships. These are friendships or romantic relationships in which one person is doing most of the pursuing, i.e., making most of the phone calls or doing most of the emailing or texting; giving more of his or her time, money, understanding, transparency; in short, showing more interest than the other party. These friendships or romantic relationships are not good relationships as, in order for a relationship to work, there needs to be a give and take with both people doing equal amounts of giving and taking. When this equality is lacking, if the one who is doing all or most of the giving has any brains and is together, emotionally, he or she will, ultimately, lose interest in the relationship. Needless to say, there are times in any relationship when one person does more of the giving or taking, however, this should not be the overall theme of the relationship. If you're doing most or all of the giving or pursuing, you'll tire of this and come to the realization that the friendship or relationship isn't fulfilling your needs and you'll, most likely, move on, as you should. Some people assume that once they've established a relationship, they no longer have to work at it. These people don't truly understand the nature of a good relationship. If you want to keep a husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, or friend, you need to do the work that is required to keep the relationship going in the same way that you would do the work that is required to keep a business relationship going. I realize that this might sound like too much work and not enough fun, but, no matter how compatible two people are, there will be occasional differences that arise and that have to be worked out to the satisfaction of both people. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should never take people who are important to you for granted. The person who feels that he or she is being taken for granted will build up resentment and will, probably, distance him- or herself from you. You might not even realize that this is happening as you're so wrapped up in your own needs and interests that you don't notice that your friend, lover, husband, or wife has checked out emotionally. The relationship is in trouble and you don't even know it! My advice to you is to think about why this person has distanced him- or herself from you and the part that you've played in the current situation. The next order of business, so to speak, is to correct the problem before it's too late. Most people want to feel appreciated for their efforts and their interest and if you fail to do that, you're on the way to losing someone who is or has been important to you. Once this loss occurs, you probably won't be able to regain the relationship in a way that satisfies your needs as the person will have, for all intents and purposes, moved on. My experience has shown me that good people are hard to find. Be smart: be present, be thoughtful, be giving and be genuinely interested in your relationships so that you don't find yourself without those relationships that you value and that have sustained you. If you do the work that is required, you will, most likely, be glad that you did. |
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CategoriesAppreciationCareers Fun Growth Law & Order Relationships Self-induced Stress The downside of modern technology |
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